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The sun burned down, warming us, so that we soon needed
to strip off our shirt tops to try and cool down. My initial disappointment that
none of the school girls had turned up, soon dissipated as l was swept into this
new and very intimate union with the Thames. They had no clue about what they
were missing. They were probably washing their hair, or hanging out down the
park or round the shops, or just watching Saturday morning TV, whilst l was
afloat, in my very own boat and enjoying a wonderful communion with the river
and with my old mate Bob! Indeed, as l had often thought, what could ever be
better than simply messing about in your own boat, on the river with a good
mate? Nothing! No worldy cares to intrude, none of the worries about will she or
won’t she or, in my case, what do l do, if she does let me! And which bit do l
touch first, top, bottom, knee? I mean, give me a boat to survey and l know
exactly where to go first, no problem – give me a girl, and l really hadn’t
a flammin’ clue!
No, just you, your mate, the boat and the water, with a few happy ducks,
the wind in your hair and sun on your face! And of course, a bag full of
sandwiches, chocolate bar and a bottle of cider! Simple, uncomplicated
pleasures!
We grounded L’Aube’s bow gently between some reeds where some cows
were soporifically lapping up water in the heat of the noon day sun, and
scrambled ashore. We pulled her higher up and sat back to have our lunch and
watch the river go by. The sounds of river cruisers swishing their way up and
down the river followed by the low rumble of their engines filled the air;
people on their decks laughing and talking about nothing in particular, but just
enjoying the environment. Little children looking wide eyed at the scenery
safely ensconced in the cockpit and giggling as they pointed excitedly at some
crazy flight of ducks, coming into land, all with their feet apart; one two,
three of them, finally sitting, bobbing in the water. This, was definitely the
life, and as the cider gently took hold of our minds, we let our bodies go with
the soothing intoxication of the day and laid back to daydream awhile.
These days were lovely. Not too many cares to concern
us. I mean there was the usual school work to keep up with which, though it took
time away from my boating activities, l quite enjoyed. But why oh why, when you
dropped your guard and were relaxing by the river, did bloody girls keep nudging
into your thoughts?
I tried to keep them away from my mind, l really did. I tried to spend my
mental time planning my next moves with L’Aube and it’s development into a
bigger boat. ‘Hmmmm……..perhaps try and design some side floats first. I
think they’re called Ama’s. Make her into a trimaran. Or per’aps l should
start wiv the sailin’ rig……..hmmmmm……………..……………………and
what was all that paraphernalia those bluudy girls needed anyway? What were
sanitary towels and those tubular things they seemed to need to insert into
themselves!? What was all that about? And did l really want to know? I had
caught one of the girls in class behind me, talking about the fact that she now
used ‘regular’. I thought she meant the type of petrol she used, but then l
knew she was too young to drive, so what was that all about?’
‘………and why, when you tried to be kind and
considerate to a girl, picking up a pen she had dropped, or opening a door for
her, did she sometimes give you a thunderous look and bite your head off, when
normally she seemed quite a decent sort!? I mean, what was that all about? –
and why did she seem to make me feel, having been a considerate gentleman, that
whatever was irking her, it was my fault!? It got so that you would be afraid to
look a seemingly decent and placid girl, in the eye.’
‘……………..you know l could fit a small tent
or cuddy over L’Aube’s cockpit and even fit in a small camping
cooker………………’
‘……………..and then, why, when you tried to
avoid her so that you did not upset her again, over what you could not
understand you had upset her about in the first place, did she come up to you and say
“You ignoring me know then!? You need to come out of your little shell, stop
thinking about unimportant things like boats or whatever, and think about
life!”
“What do you mean, life!”
“I mean , the fact that there are other things around
in this world other than school work and boats fer christ’s sake! I mean like
relationships and love!”
“Yeah, but l tried to help you
last………………and then she would cut me off, now riding what seemed to
be a favourite theme of her own! “Yeah, so what? A girl doesn’t just want
some sod to pick her pen up off the floor, she wants attention!”
“But l did, l…….”
“She wants a man who cares!”
“But l do, l…….”
“She wants a boy who walks ‘er home sometimes!”
“But l waited an’ you didn’t turn……”
“She wants a boy who wants to get intimate!”
“So you want to go to bed then!?”
“FUCK OFF, you perv!”................................
.....................................The world suddenly went very dark, as a great rain
cloud flew overhead blotting out the sun. Willy-waws shot over the surface of
the river where the waves suddenly started to grow white caps under the force of
the wind. Skiff after skiff turned back towards Caversham Bridge and went
hurtling east, under the force of the wind. We watched, fascinated as these once
romantic little shows of charm and delight, set on the little stages presented
by the open hull of a skiff, turned into tableau’s of fright, flight and fight
against the elements, in an effort to remain afloat and safe.
Summer hats and bonnets, the occasional rug and silk scarf floated off
into the air, removed by the sucking breath of the wind, to fall and sink below
the turbulent surface of the Thames.
Cries could be heard of “Oh dear, oh dear catch it quick Jim.”
And “Oh no” as whatever it was, flew just out of reach and was caught
on a wave.
And “Quick Bill, take me ashore, l don’t like this one bit, PLEEESE,
l want to go home, NOW!!”
And “l’ll never let you persuade me again to go on this damnable
river, Walter! Mother told me it wasn’t safe and now look at us!”
We stood to watch, the tune of “For all those in peril on the sea”
rising to our lips.
“Wow, look at that one over there, he’s tryin’ ta
bring her round but she just keeps spinnin’.”
“I think he’s caught in a whirlpool of some sort,
over by that outfall, Bob!”
“Yeah, roight – ‘is missus don’t look too ‘appy!”
We stood watching for a while but this particular skiff crew did not seem
to be able to get themselves out of their predicament. Finally, the man lost an
oar over the side as a further gust swept down on them, at one point almost
forcing the skiff over onto it’s beam ends!” The lady started to cry, but it
was that far away that we couldn’t hear what she was shouting. She was
obviously in distress and her man looked exhausted.
Bob and l looked at each other and without a word both ran to the kayak
which we unhitched from the post, and shoved out into deeper water. We back
paddled to get away from the bank and spun her round almost capsizing in the
effort; the wind was not abating! With our hearts in our mouths and not sure
whether this was a sensible thing to do or not, we paddled as fast as we could
over to the stricken skiff and it’s once happy, passengers. Neither of us were
swimmers or sure of what we could do when we got there, but it just seemed the
right thing to do.
“Oh please help, please help. We’ve lost an oar and
are stuck on this tree root.”
They had finished spinning and had drifted with the wind into the fronds
of a willow tree and had jammed against a semi submerged root. The skiff was
leaning badly, partly because the man who was rather portly and being sick over
the side.
“Get yer man right back into the boat an’ throw us
a line, missus.”
“Ok. Jeremy, STOP that nonsense and help me with a
line, NOW!”
Under the command of his lady, Jeremy leant forward, sinking the bows
considerably as he reached for the bow line, making the whole skiff unstable and
lifting the stern off the tree root!
“Jeremy, JEREMY, you fat oaf - ooooohhhhh!!”
shouted Missus Jeremy as she slid forward and over the side of the wobbling
skiff, straight into the river! She submerged completely, her big pink summer
dress floating up to mingle with her long red hair! I was shocked to see that it
was so deep here.
“Oh Grace!”, Jeremy cried, as he sat down with a
thump onto the forward seat.
“Ugh” splutter! “Ugh” splutter! “Ugh”
splutter. She rose again, like a bedraggled sea monster, water cascading from
her red hair which hung strangely over her face in a sort of over-canted style!
She went down again as she lost her footing on another submerged root, rose and
fell forward towards the bank, face first.
Whatever the wind and weather had done to disturb the water, was nothing
in comparison to the gargantuan efforts of Grace, who was about as graceless in
the water as you could get! The red hair seemed to stay just on the surface and
l was beginning to worry that she wouldn’t come up, when something else shot
out of the water like a breaching wale. It was her again! But the red hair was
still floating on the surface of the water! Bob and l looked from the whale to
the hair and back again in confusion!
Was this some new pink river creature that had just emerged, having
devoured all of Grace but her hair! I couldn’t recognise this new creature at
first until l recognised the pink dress – it was Grace, with no hair!!
She was as bald as a coot and with her rather large and bushy eyebrows,
she looked distinctly like a man, a man in a frock!
“Bugger me!”
“WHAT?”.
“Grace – your hair dear!”
“WHAT?”
“It’s in the water my love.”
“WHAT!?”
Grace looked down at the red hairy thing floating around in the river
just under the stern, of the tipping skiff, and immediately put his/her hand to
his/her head.
“Oh, oh OOHH – THIS is the END Jeremy, the UTTER END!!”.........................................
..................................................Life could be extraordinary. People, who would appear
as curmudgeonly old skinflints one day, could become generous and warm hearted
the next! Life , which had it’s definite downs, always had it’s unexpected
ups too! ‘Thank you, you old bastard! If you were a girl, l’d give you a
kiss……………or something!’